The Countdown!

Okay, so it has been 2 months since I have blogged. I know, I know, I have commitment issues. I'm working on it. As for right now:
I am 1 day, 19 hours, and 30 Mins away from school starting. Not only school starting, but, my BABY starting Kindergarten. All day...away from me...by himself (read MYSELF!!). Alone, at home, by myself for the first time in....(hold on using the calculator to figure this out....) OMG, 12 years. I am super excited, but sad at the same time. It is a new experience to have all day with no children. I have had loads of people ask me what I am going to do with myself all day. I have tons of stuff to catch up on! 12 years of house work to catch up on, 12 years of self care to see to, not to mention all of usual things that just keep on rolling. Football practice, Dance Class, parent meetings, doctor appointments, grocery shopping, blah, blah, blah....Yeah, I think I'll still be busy.

Well, Yucky.

I had an awesome weekend. I went to Boston with friends, saw the Red Sox beat the Braves, had a ton of laughs, and did something I don't usually do. I allowed myself to be photographed. Let's just say....I looked horrible, truly awful. So big and, and....Well, yucky. I have to live with it for now, but as special as that time is for me, I wish I didn't have photographic evidence for how I look. You see, at the game they have these photographers that come around and take a picture of you and your friends in this wonderful setting. I made the mistake of actually looking at the pictures. Not good. On top of that my lovely friends and I were on t.v. when they panned the crowd. Can you guess how we were able to be seen in the crowd? Me. Yep, the gigantic red blob in the seat at the end of the row. That was me. Once you spot me in the crowd, you can see my darling friends next to me. Yuck.

Okay, I know I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself....and maybe I am, but I am also going to use this as a catalyst to really get moving on to a better self. On a positive note, we walked a lot in the past two days, and, I didn't die! I actually enjoyed it, except for the knees that hurt at the end of the day. But they haven't fallen off yet, so, yeah me!

Okay, this is what I am up to this week:
Walking...at least 3 out of 7 days. A little bit further each time I walk.
Drinking water....and nothing else if I can manage it.
Eating....Protein, Protein, Protein. Less carbs over all.

Go Me!

Think I can do it?? I do.

Finding Balance on a Thin Line.

Re-post from my Journal on Livin' La Vida Low Carb Disscussion.

This is from May of 2008, but still hold true today.

I have never really been good at keeping a journal, online or otherwise. I am kind of lost as to what to do or say. I also have a fear that nobody cares what I think. (Which is actually okay, but still a fear of mine.) But there have been things running around in my mind, and I think a Personal Journal is the place to...well...spew them, for the lack of a better definition. I've been trying to figure out the differences in my time last summer with Kimkins compared to I am doing now. I know all the differences are not just with what I am eating. It has to do with my attitude, and my preparedness. I was so focused (maybe too focused) on what I was doing - so intent on NOT getting it wrong. I had food prepared for the week in advanced. I knew the "lists" by heart, I had the attitude that I was going to make it happen. I'm not sure what happened after Kimkins. I know my attitude towards food is different. I am more in fear of it. I am afraid of bad things happening to me if I follow the wrong path again. Last time I was lucky(???) I only lost some hair, had some dizzy spells, bled for three months straight. But, (sadly) I do have a secret desire to do Kimkins again, but am terrified at what could happen. Heck, I haven't even figured out what happened the first time. How was I so gullible to believe that my body could survive and not start to rebel at 500 to 800 calories a day?? I feel so stupid. And, how did I ever manage to get that low? I love food, but somehow, my mind tricked my body into "not needing" it. I look back at my FitDay entries now and am SHOCKED at how little I was eating on a Daily Basis. And I was so proud of it. (I say that with disgust in my voice.) What was wrong with me? And how do I now fix me? I am struggling to find a happy medium. Enough food to feel good, but not enough to feel stuffed. But little enough to lose weight, but not so little I harm myself. See what I mean...I have learned a tremendous amount in the last eleven months, but putting it into practice is totally different. I have learned that starving myself (while not feeling it.) could kill me. I have learned that eating a traditional Atkins diet is a great way for me to maintain my weight, but I have yet to unlock the secret of how to re-activate my weightloss. Finding Balance on the Thin Line Between Too Little and Too Much. That is my mission, I pray I find success.

Sooooo, there you have it. Why I am trying to find my balance. And why it is difficult.

Headed in a new direction.

I am getting myself back together and headed in a new direction. I know I have said this before, but I am hopeful that this time will be "the time". I got myself some personal ass-kickers. My BFF's are helping me, keeping me on the road to good health. Right now I am walking. Yep, just walking. This is my attempt at baby steps. :) I am also trying to be mindful of my portion size, but not kicking myself when I eat something bad for me.

My next step will be changing my foods. Going low carb is what I am going to be successful at, so I will be moving that way. I am going to be doing a lot of reading, and self testing, to find the foods that are best, and worst, for me to eat. I want to be able to have melon and berries, and still lose weight. What works for one person, may or may not, work for another. I am going to figure out what works for me.

Another thing I am going to do is change the name of my blog. I am going to switch it to "Finding Balance on a Thin Line." This has to do with a journal post I made at Jimmy Moore's Livin' La Vida Low Carb Discussion Forum. I will be switching the name and re-posting that post, to help explain. I am still looking for that balance, hopefully I will find it, and move forward.

Wish me luck!

Working on Not Worrying

Okay, so I'm still off the wagon, and have gained another ton of weight. Right now I am trying to teach myself to not worry about food, not obsess over it, not give it such power in my life. After all, It's Just Food Dude!.

I am feeling much better mentally, and we (I say we, I mean my crazy Dr!) have just made an adjustment on my meds that should get me where I need to be. So I am hoping that soon, I'll have all my ducks in a row and can commence with the losing of the weight.

So that being said I am going to post more about random stuff that catches my eye. Like this:

My cool blog friend Amy over at Meh posted this, and I thought I'd give it a try.

The guidelines:1. Respond and rework. Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention; add a question of your own.
2. Tag eight other un-tagged people.

What is your current obsession? Facebook. I am forever taking quizzes and playing Mafia Wars. Speaking of which, feel free to joing My Mafia.

Good fika place? (That would be coffee to us non-Swedes) Umm, coffee is Yuck to me. But I have friends who love Dunkin Donuts.

Do you nap a lot? Very often, 4 kids, 3.5 cats, 2 dogs, and a hubby who wakes up early make a girl tired.

What’s for dinner? Matt and I had Bacon and Omelets, Shane made scrambled eggs for the kids, but Livi and Owen didn't want any, so they didn't have any dinner.

What was the last thing you bought? Milk last night at 8:45.

What are you listening to right now? Dora the Explorer and Owen chatting away.

What is your favourite weather? cool and sunny.......with a good breeze. Like in the fall, when the trees are beautiful colors and the sun still warms you.

What’s on your bedside table? A bunch of books, my C-Pap, magazines....I think that is it.

Say something to the person/s who tagged you. Amy you are an awesome REAL woman with incredible humor and personality.

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? I don't know, whould I be able to live there forever? I so, someplace safe and fun with great schools for my kids.

Favourite vacation spot? I love Minneapolis, and the Mall of America. It is a very cool city.

Name the things you can’t live without. My Kids and Hubby, My friends, My books, My Pictures.

What would you like to have in your hands right now? Money, lots and lots of money.

What is your favourite tea flavour? Chamomile or English Toffee Dessert Tea. Yum-O.

What would you like to get rid of? Depression, excess weight, debt, worry lines, stupid people.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? The ocean.

What did you want to become as a child? A chef. I loved to cook, I still do.

What object can you look at, and smile, and feel yourself relaxing? (This is my question) Fish Tanks. They just zone me right out! The ocean also calms me.

What are you reading right now? Blogs, mostly, and a lot of facebook.

What's your favourite brand of jeans. Anything that my fat ass fits in.

Wat designer piece of clothing would you most like to own (new or vintage)? None really, what would I do with it here in the sticks?

I tag: You. Do it. And don't forget to join my mafia!

Later!

It's a crappy day.

Okay, so really, the day has only just begun, but, I can feel it coming. All the little voices that tell me what a crappy, horrible human being I am are working over time today. I want to eat the world today. I don't know if I will or not. I have already had a can of hash today, yes, a whole can. I know, I suck. And, I am watching The Biggest Loser, and getting really pissed off, because of all of the "low fat", "low calorie" talk. Let's talk about all the yucky processed carbs that make up the low fat, low calorie junk. Okay, I'm putting a stop on myself. I'm sure I'll have more to bitch about later.

Did ya hear the thump?

Okay, so I've fallen off the proverbial wagon (again). I'm not sure why, and I haven't got my crap back together to get back on, but I will. I even took pictures (at first) of the junk that I was eating. It did give me pause about what was going in my yap-trap, but it didn't completely stop me. I can tell that the sugary junk that I am eating is yucking me up, my skin is getting yucky again, my hair is gross, and I am even more tired...again.

I think it is all in the planning. Which, Obviously, I am not really good at. I could give a million and one excuses as to why I am having a hard time, but, they are all just excuses. Wanna hear some...Here goes (in my best "you want cheese with the whine voice"):

The kids are just so busy, that I don't have time to slow down and keep myself on track...

I'm too tired at the end of the day to make a good meal...

It is just easier to eat what everyone else in the house is eating...

I just don't have the support at home that I need to make this work...

How do you like these so far? I even have a bunch as to why I am not getting exercise. Usually they have to do with road conditions and achy body parts...God Bless Vermont winters!

Have I failed? No, I refuse to think that way... I heard a great quote that says "You have only failed when you quit trying". (my apologies to whom ever wrote/said it, I couldn't remember who it was.) And I am not done trying yet.
My other favorite is by Thomas Edison who said "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." So far I am on way number 4 that won't work....I still have a lot of attempts, right!

So, I am going try to get back to posting every day. I may or not have pictures every day, 'cause sometimes, the headache of getting all my equipment to function is enough to send me to the loony-bin! But I will try to be more regular, and hand out my blog address to more people. Maybe that will help.

Bedtime now (yippee!)

Catch ya on the flip side.

Making a Mental Note.

NOTE TO SELF- Isomalt and Maltitol are NOT my friends. In fact, they hate me. Yesterday, I made the colossal mistake of having 3 sugar free cinnamon disks. My tummy was rumbling like a thunderstorm the rest of the day! Luckily, because I only had the three, there were not too many other repercussions, if you know what I mean!

As for my meals yesterday, here is what went down:

Pork Rinds, and a Cheese Stick for breakfast.

Another Cheese Stick for a snack.

Two Nathan's Brand Cheese Hotdogs for lunch, and only 1 carb each!
Then I went a realllllllyyyyy long time before I ate again, and I only ate then because I knew that I has not had enough calories. So I had some low carb Sloppy Joe's that I had made for the kids the other night. Pretty yummy.

Then to finish out the day I had some Romaine Leaves with Ranch Dip. I LOVE dip, and if it didn't have so many carbs, I'd put it on everything!

Today's (2/13/09) Foods

NOTE TO SELF #2 - Taking pictures of Bacon Double Cheese burgers, while driving, is not only a stupid idea, it makes for a terrible picture! Sorry about the picture quality. But this is one of the pictures I of the 2 BDCB I ate this morning.

Then, again after several hours, I had to eat again, so I ate some steak with the kids.

And, to finish off my meal, I had a yummy dessert of a pickle pack and 2 cheese hot dog.

I am sure there is more to write, but just now, I am falling asleep, as I am typing. So I'll check everything out int the morning.

Day 10 menu.

I was in an ugly mood last night, so I decided not to post. My day was very overly emotional. I was crying at the drop of a hat. I'm not even sure why. I do know that I was WAY over tired. I had only had 4 hours of sleep, and was just not ready to deal with the day. I didn't eat very much either. And very repetitively! Here is what I had.



Greek Turkey Meatballs with sour cream to dip in.


Egg "stuff". Hard boiled eggs, turkey sausage, cheddar cheese, and butter all chopped and warmed up. Very homey/comforting.


More Turkey Balls and sour cream. Yep, the are just that good.

'Tupid Printer.

My 'tupid, 'tupid printer didn't want to eat my pictures last night, so I couldn't post. Well, I could have, but in my opinionation it would have been mighty boring. It was a kind of weird run around kind of day, but here is what I ended up eating.

Turkey Sausage for breakfast,



2 Slim Jim thingies for a snack.

Tuna made with mayo, cream cheese and celery with a mozzerella ball for lunch.

Greek Salad with cheddar cheese for dinner.

I am having a craptacular day today, but I'll post more about that later... in my next post...about today's foods...if my 'tupid printer co-operates.

Act One, Scene Two.. Begin

Okay, I guess I am feeling overly dramatic today. I think it is my meds. I get all zippy about 6 to 8 hours after I've taken them. Not to mention the shakes and sweats they give me. Yea! Being crazy is so much fun. Okay, so here were my food choices for the day:


Breakfast: Turkey Sausage, celery stuffed with goat cheese. (Hey! Don't wrinkle your nose at me, it is really yummy.)


Snack: A super delish Chocolate (sugar free, of course!) Bar, by Maine Cottage Foods it was so freakin' good. It is only 1.1 oz, but, it felt like the perfect size. Sadly, it was my last one. *pout*.

Lunch: Taco Mess. Included was Taco Meat, Cheese, Guacamole, and Sour Cream.
Ugly, yes, but very tasty and filling.



Dinner: One Lamb Patty, One Bison Patty, and a Greek salad (alas, no bacon!)
I'm nice and filled for the night.

One thing that I am sure I have to work on is eating breakfast at a better time. Today I didn't get around to it until 10:30, snack at 12, Lunch at 3:00, and dinner at 6:30. I am just not interested in food before then. Hummm, something to ponder.

I guess that's all for tonight. Ta.

Week One Results!!!!

I've lost 10 pounds this week!!!
I know that after this, the weight loss will slow down, but I am glad to have gotten a good jump start!



Thanks for all your support so far.

The end of week one.

It was a pretty good day. I got a lot of laundry done and there wasn't a too much fighting in the house today. Yippee. Food was easy, 'cause I was home all day. So here goes:


Breakfast: 1 mozzarella ball with garlic powder and salt. 3 egg omelet with cheese, turkey sausage. (why turkey sausage? you ask, just 'cause I like it like dat!)

Lunch: Steak about 8 ounces after the inedible was cut off.

Snack: Celery and pork rinds with dip

Dinner: Salad greens with feta and Greek dressing. Mozzarella ball. (Greek Dressing that was totally FAB-BOO, BTW. Restaurant Quality!)

I am feeling fully satisfied now, and ready to start week two!

I'd like some feed back on my food choices, anybody, Bueller, Bueller....

Huh, what day is it?

Okay, I'm a bum. I got caught up in "stuff" for the past few days and didn't post my menus. I have stayed low carb, but have been as tired as tired can be. I did take pictures of most of the stuff I have eaten, but missed a few things yesterday. *Slapping own hand*

I'll start with yesterday, because it is still in my head.
Breakfast was pork rinds, celery and dip
First Snack was a cheese and garlic sausage
Lunch was a grinder picked apart and put in a low carb tortilla, then the innards of another.
Another snack was rolled prosciutto and mozzarella cheese
Dinner was Greek Turkey Meatballs.


Friday, I made the mistake of going grocery shopping when I was H-U-N-G-R-Y. I was only slightly hungry when I got there, but by the end, I was ready to chew my own arm off. I went to Wendy's and ate the innards of two Baconators.


While I was at Wendy's I got myself a grilled Chicken Caesar Salad for later.

For dinner I had some baked garlic and cheese sausage.

Here are the pictures of some of Saturdays foods:

The picture of the sausage and turkey meatballs are missing.

I also decided that I will probably not keep track (too much) of the calorie I am consuming. I found that I was starting to obsess over them. As long as I take my cues from my actual hunger, and keep to the foods that are acceptable I will do fine. Tomorrow is the big one week weigh in. Cross your fingers for me! I'll be back later to post my foods for today.

Can You Say Processed?

So, plans are really easy to make, and even easier to break. My morning started out kind of rough. Shane woke up sick, Owen didn't want to get up, and Benj hates socks. As I mentioned yesterday, I had to work today. I felt so guilty about having to leave Shane at home alone while I went to work. In the mean time my sister called to see if I was working 'cause she needed a sub too, and could I pick Sebastian up for school, I couldn't pry Owey out of bed with a crowbar, and Benj, for the 100th day in a row gave me crap about the kind of sock I was "making" him wear.

In my hurry to leave early I didn't grab my water, or my tuna. I did stop at the store and buy 2 big bottles of water and two snack size pieces of cheese. Also my mind was eased a bit as school started when my rockin' baby sitter, Tanyia (who had three of her own kids home sick) offered to have Shane for the day. I did get a chance to run home when the kids had music to grab my tuna, pork rinds and my dip. I also had on hand 2 Slim Jim Meat and Cheese sticks, so I brought those too.

Lunch at school today was one of my favorites. Taco Salad. I stood firm though and ate my food. I had about three or four ounces of my tuna salad, and one ounce of pork rinds with dip. And to keep away from the taco salad, I had one of my Slim Jim thingies. Then later when the class room had a snack, I had too had one, my other Slim Jim.

Finally the day was over, and boy was I exhausted. I took myself a nice long nap! Everybody had whatever they could find for dinner (I know, I'm a great mom huh?!). I finally got hungry enough to eat at about 9:45. There really isn't anything that I want to eat in the house, so I just had rolled up deli ham with 2 oz of cream cheese, and a few ounces of pepperoni. I was so uninspired and lazy that I didn't even weigh stuff to know exactly how much I had. But, looking back at all the things I ate, I am shocked at how much processed "stuff" passed my lips. I bet all those salt and chemicals will have me retaining some fluid. I'm glad that I am not weighing myself until Sunday.

I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

Oink Oink, I was a Hungry Piglet Today!

Today was a cranky, moody, emotional, draining day. And, oh boy, was I hungry. It probably would have started better if I had started with a real breakfast. But, no, I started with pork rinds and dip. Why?, you ask. Very simple I was tired...okay...more like lazy. Lazy from being tired? Sleep is still eluding me, I sleep, but, get no rest. I really HATE waking up tired. So instead of cooking myself a good and hardy breakfast, I went for the easy out. Same followed for lunch and dinner. So, here is today's winning menu:


Breakfast: Pork Rinds w/ Garlic Garlic Dip


Lunch: 3 oz Tuna with 1 oz Cream Cheese and 1 oz Mayo 3 oz raw green beans

Dinner: 2 Dissected Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese, and Pickle.

All I drank today was water. I was so jonesing for a steak today. That is probably why I pigged on the MickeyD's.

I'm working tomorrow for the 4th grade teacher at my kids school. I am making a mental plan as I type, so that I don't screw up. Plenty of water and probably leftover tuna salad. I am thinking of ordering a grilled chicken salad at out local restaurant, The Wheel Inn. Okay, I'm done thinking for the night! Ta-ta.

Day Two...Is it over yet???

I have almost made it through day two. I have a REALLY sick tummy tonight, and I'm trying to figure out if it is what I am eating, or a tummy bug. There is one going around. I did fairly well today. All total I have had :
1464 calories
100 grams of fat
23 TOTAL carbs, (about 16 net)
116 grams of protein

(In case you are wondering how I get my totals, I am keeping track of my foods on Fitday.) Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast - 3 egg omelet, 1.5 oz cheese, 3 strips of bacon and 12 oz of English Toffee Tea with Liquid Splenda. (In the picture you will see 4 bacons, but I had to share with my boy, Benj, who was home "sick" today.)

Lunch- 4 oz deli Turkey with 2 Tbs Garlic Garlic Dip

Snack- 1 oz pork rinds with the GG Dip I had left over from lunch

Dinner - 5 leftover bacon wrapped scallops, 2 oz raw broccoli, 6 oz raw green beans, 2 Tbs GG Dip. (See. Veggies!)

I did choose too have a bigger breakfast today, and I am glad I did, I felt more satisfied for longer.

Today, my hubby Matt helped me make of things that will make my Low-Carb journey easier. I am going to have to wait until Friday to go shopping for anything, (I lost my wallet this past weekend, and my new debit card won't be here 'till Thursday, and I have to work that day.), but at least I have a place to start. I am definitely going to get some turkey breakfast sausage, and 1 carb ketchup. I don't remember what else is on my list, but that is why I have a list right?! Next week I am going to endeavor to actually plan out my week in advance.

I am so glad that we live in the information age. There are some kick-butt low carb recipe sites out there. Two of my favorites are:

Linda's Low Carb Menus and Recipes

The Lighter Side of Low Carb

These sites are really going to come in handy for planning. More on that later.

I guess I have rambled enough for today. I'm off to try to get some sleep.