It's an addiction.

It's an addiction.
This sounds ridiculous, I know, but I wish I was addicted to drugs, alcohol or smoking. Then I would know how to help myself. I would know what and whom to stay away from. But, instead, I find myself with another horrible addiction. One that cannot be easily broken, or avoided. I am addicted to food. More to the point, to sugar. One taste of sugar, one little sip if soda, one nibble on a cookie, and I am lost in a avalanche of need for carbs. It is not just the sweets either, pasta, bread, potatoes... they all make me want MORE. I more than crave them, I NEED them. If I go too long without carbs I am shaky, grouchy, and all around miserable. I find myself gorging on anything in my path. I hide and eat, never really letting anyone know how much, or what, I am eating. I can finish off a whole box of Little Debbie on the car ride home from the store. Now, this is not something I am proud of. I am disgusted by it, and of myself. But food is a daily necessity. One must eat to survive. I intellectually know what needs to be done. I need to get my rear in gear and get back on the low carb train. Almost two years ago, I started a low carb life style that led me to lose almost 100 pounds. Unfortunately, I pick a bad plan that turned me into a borderline anorexic. (Yes, it turns out that a fat girl can be anorexic!) I was consuming only about 500 to 700 calories a day. Sure, it is great for weight loss, but also for hair loss, heart palpitations, and messed up menstrual cycles and a myriaid of other troubles. After just a little while (2 months and about 60 lbs) I got smart and started on a more traditional Atkins style low carb lifestyle. I lost another 35 pounds in the next two months. Then for the next 8 months I maintained my weight loss. Then I had a mental "snap" and my depression took over my life. I went back and forth on and off low carb, gaining and losing, over and over again. My meds were not working and I was floundering in all aspects of my life. In the end of July, I "took a break" from low carb, really intending to get myself together and get back on plan. Well, here we are in January, and I have gained almost all of the weight I had lost back. I am still having depression and anxiety trouble. I am working very hard to correct that. I am sure that writing here will be helpful in that goal. As for goals, that is the main reason for this blog. My intention is to have a photo menu blog to keep track of the food I eat on a daily basis. I want to keep accountable. It will also help me think about what I eat, where I eat and when I eat. It will be a little more difficult to hide and eat when I need to take a picture of everything I intend to put in my face! I will probably list my starting statistics, and a picture, so watch your eyes! I will be starting soon...I will, I will, I will...


Okay, I wrote this a few weeks ago and didn't post it. But, I am now... And I am re-re-re-restarting on my path tomorrow. Wish me luck, and feel free to leave comments.